Inula Austin Soul Growth

How can Compassion and detachment exist in the same space? Doesn’t one negate the other? Is it even possible to achieve such a state?

The idea that one can live a life of equilibrium, a ‘Middle Way’, was famously taught by the Buddha. The idea that too much or too little of anything in life (which includes emotions as well as being gluttonous) was counterproductive to the human experience is a central tenet of the thousands of years old Buddhist teachings.

When we define each word individually, one might think that together they are oxymoronic. But, as with all philosophic ideas, it is better to feel ones way into their meaning, rather than simply use standard definitions to try to understand them.

Holding a position of detached compassion means that we are able to feel interconnectedness and understanding for another person, whilst standing back and allowing them to take personal responsibility for their own actions, lives and healing.

Whilst the English Poet John Donne was correct in his summation that ‘no man is an island’, it is also true that we do not have to attend every drama that each individual invites us to. In this earthly life we are offered the ability to feel our connection to all creation whilst also being afforded the opportunity to choose not to be driven to change the outcome of any given situation or personality flaw that we encounter.

Let’s imagine for a moment what such equilibrium might look like in our daily lives. A morning traffic jam might have you playing out all kinds of mental scenarios. Your boss is going to be displeased at you being late, your day is going to get off to a bad start, you’ve got a hundred emails to address and time’s wasting! Now, let us imagine for a moment that whilst caring for your position, you simply detach from any particular ending or outcome. I would suggest that your stress levels (not to mention your blood pressure!) would lower considerably, you might retain a more positive outlook for the remainder of the day, allowing space for more positive experiences to enter your frame of reference.

This is not to be confused with fatalism, a belief that everything is out of your hands and completely controlled by the unseen hand of a wrathful god, that you are simply continually buffeted about in life by the winds of fate.

Detached Compassion is all about choice. It’s about reaching each metaphorical fork in the road (moment, situation) and making a conscious decision to follow the pathway that allows you to maintain your equilibrium.

With regards to the relationships in our lives, this practice may be essential. Many of us carry traumas from childhood that manifest in adulthood as the tendency to people please, to form co-dependant relationships and to seek to heal others.

With a spiritual awakening, hopefully comes discernment, central to the idea of detached compassion. Knowing that you can still care for someone, love them even, without having to fix them or any other situation around them, may be greatly liberating. It allows you the space to step back from toxic relationships and scenarios and let others take responsibility for their own lives.

Detached Compassion says ‘I see you, I understand your situation and I wish you healing. But I know that you are capable of doing what is best for you at this time, without my interference.’

How much of the drama in people’s lives is caused by their natural drive to help others?

This sense of needing to be needed often comes from a place of genuine love and compassion, but once we get attached to a particular outcome, things may get messy.

Many people who have experienced a spiritual awakening suddenly find that they have a desperate sense of needing to heal everything and everybody that they come into contact with. It’s only natural once you awaken to some of the sad realities of this physical plane. What many do not realise however, is that they are trying to heal parts of themselves that they recognise in the suffering of others.

Finding balance in our lives is a must. Balance maintains our own mental (emotional), physical and spiritual health. We may only operate at our full potential when all parts of our being are working together in harmony, and balance may begin with practicing detached compassion.

Allowing yourself to relax and let others take personal responsibility for their own lives may be crucial to restoring balance in yourself.

It isn’t easy, but with conscious awareness and a little effort on your part, a practice of detached compassion may do you the world of good.